awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
