Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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