....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
