I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
