fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
