the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
