Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
