my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
