I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
