I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
