My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
