1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Are we still banned from the library?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
