i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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