I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
