I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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