The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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