I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
