its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
