i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you didnt know i had herpes?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
