I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
