I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
