I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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