That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
