I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
