My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
