It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
