i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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