the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
