i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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