i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
