I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
