I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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