took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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