woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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