New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
