I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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