i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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