I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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