Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
