you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
