Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
