PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
