yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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