Screwed.edu
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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