Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
