Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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