I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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