you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
