Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
