we're chasing vodka with high fives
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
