the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
